Parental Pain

At work we subscribe to a service whereby reporters can post their queries and we, in theory, can offer up our clients, where appropriate, as experts. Of course, in my world "clients" is a loose term. I've offered up friends, friends of friends, and family to reporters in the past. Most recently my friend Ellen (The Galka Family) was interviewed by Time about VBACs and my friend Jamie (All About Abby and Beth) was interviewed by Parade about free/funny holiday traditions.

Today I saw a posting by an MSNBC reporter, asking if/how children have been hard on their parents health. Physical health. But it got me thinking. About emotional health.

HEALTH: How Tots Can Be Hard on Their Parents' Health -- MSNBC.com

I'm a reporter working on a parenting article about injuries and other aches and pains that parents sustain at the hands of babies and toddlers -- things like black eyes, broken noses (from head butts), back and neck strain (from lifting kids), eye pokes (corneal abrasions), sprains (e.g., from tripping over toys), etc. I'm trying to find any statistics in this area. I'm also interested in speaking with experts who can comment specifically on this subject. I'm a freelancer. Contact: Jxxxx Sxxxx, xxxx_xxxx@yahoo.com.

So what about the emotional impact that our children have on us? I have never felt so vulnerable as I have since I birthed my first baby. Strange thoughts hijacked my dreams mid-way through my pregnancy with Lily. And they've just gotten progressively worse since the girls were born.

On my first neighborhood walk, pushing then-infant Lily in the stroller, I was overcome by irrational fears that someone was going to rush me, club me, and run away with my baby.

When Lily first started sleeping through the night, I sometimes found myself waking up in a cold sweat, frantically searching for the baby. I'd dreamt that she was in the bed and I'd rolled on top of her an smuggled her to death. Or that she'd been with me, rolled off the bed, and eaten by some carnivore that lived amongst the dust bunnies under my dresser.

With Anna, I've had moments of panic waft through me when I suddenly couldn't hear her playing in the adjacent room, immediately convinced that she'd been silently snatched through an open window.

Totally random. Completely bizarre. Amazingly irrational. And, thankfully, figments of my imagination. From what I understand, these thoughts are also very normal. Apparently I'm not the only mother out there who is griped with fear -- random, bizarre and irrational fear -- from time to time. And let me reassure that that I'm only haunted by these thoughts time to time. Thankfully.

But Noah and I have been lucky. Very, very lucky. Sure our girls have asthma, which means far more trips to the pediatrician's office during cold/flu season...and many an hour spent hooked up to a noisy nebulizer machine. Sure the girls have had their fair share of bumps and bruises, cuts and scrapes. Overall, though, they're healthy. And safe. And blossoming.

Not all children are as lucky. The mommyblogging community was recently stricken, twice, by two deaths. A four month old little boy who was fine one minute and not the next; his death was labeled SIDS. And a 17 month old little girl who battled chronic lung issues that served as a permanent reminder of her premature birth. She went from OK to dead in a matter of hours; she died five weeks ago.

I've been following both of the moms, on twitter and through their blogs. Their writing is profound, although their pain is almost too much to bear. When Noah's uncle died 2 weeks ago at the young age of 48, I had a hard time rationalizing how such a young person could die. But for a baby to die... For a parent to have to bury a child... There's just something that's cruel and completely unjust about that.

Meet Heather from TheSophrsAreMultplying and Shana from Gorillabuns, "partners in suck" as they've labeled themselves. I've added their blogs to my "blogging by the pros" list on the right.

As I follow their journeys out of hell -- the hell of losing a baby -- I try to remind myself to be just a little more patient, and loving, with my own two healthy (knock on some serious wood) and completely precious girls.